Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
