No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
