you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come see our sink grown plant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
