Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
