She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
