Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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