she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
