It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
