Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
