He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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