before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You smell like stripper and shame
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
