someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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