My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
