Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
