so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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