Pappa wants mamma naked
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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