u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize