Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
