After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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