Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
