Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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