She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
