somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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