Your tits are I can't wait for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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