My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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