We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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