the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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