omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
