My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
