I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
