i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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