Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
