We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
