You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
