So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
