Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
