Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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