Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
