Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
