If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
