Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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