well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
