Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
