I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
