How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
