just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
