Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
