These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
