I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
