I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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