IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
