he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
