the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
