some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize