So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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