your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
