How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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