I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
