Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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