On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
