When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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