i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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