so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
