dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
