I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
