3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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