oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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