I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize