Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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