She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
