I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
