if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize