There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
