I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
