It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
