Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
