I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I pour the whiskey from now on
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
