do herpes really smell.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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