you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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