Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
