Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
