I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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