I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
