I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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