Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
