id be glad to
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
