The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's never too late to be topless.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
