I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
