"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
