Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
