im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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