i just had sex bonerless
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
