He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
