I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
