She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have started to decorate penises.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
