Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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