if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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