yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
