Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
