i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
