when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
