when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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